Breaking News: The Truth About the Somali Attacks

Ladies and gentlemen, I have it on good authority that the truth has been twisted as it relates to the recent Somali pirate, hostage rescue debacle.

As it turns out, President Obama NEVER authorized attacks on the pirates. Angry at the thought that he is being considered to be a hero for making such a brave and noble decision, the president released the following statement:

“Let me be clear. Look, ahh, ummm, I never once authorized those attacks on the pirates,” Obama stated from the White House, reading methodically from two transparant planes of glass to his left and right ensuring that each got equal eye contact so the other didn’t get offended and file a complaint with the ACLU. “I was pretty specific that I was authorizing A TAX on the pirates.”

You heard it here first! I now return you to your regularly scheduled reading.

10 Responses to “Breaking News: The Truth About the Somali Attacks”

  1. ding ding ding!!! We have a winner!


  2. Wonderful….


  4. Hi CJ, would you mind sending or posting the news release from the press? (eg. Fox, CNN) Thanks.

  5. Isaac, it was just satire. He didn’t really say that.

  6. Sounds like it’s true CJ! Thanks for the laugh!

  7. Sounds normal to me….”Let me make this absolutely clear……………………” hahaha What a lowly excuse for a leader…Lord help us Please!!

  8. lol, opps, I did not get a chance to read it in detail. I was a little tired at the time. Sorry.

  9. 5 days was too long to make a decision to save him !
    I believe that his wife refused to thank Obama and that is why she said that a Maresk company person had to read the statement to the press. I am proud of her for not giving in to the Company.

  10. Vision Problems…

    Hey kids – here’s another U.S. Government comic: I love it when threads come together… The comic is about amblyopia, aka lazy eye. When I was a kid my friend next door had amblyopia and wore a patch to strengthen his eye. That made it fun to play pi…

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